What are the “jerk” behaviors in life?
In life, there are always people who do some “jerk” things. For example, when someone is running towards the elevator, they promptly press the close button. In a crowded subway, they occupy two seats by themselves. They shout at the waiters in a restaurant. There are roommates who always make loud phone calls and watch videos without headphones in the dormitory, regardless of whether others are studying or resting. Some people create a huge disturbance in the hospital because they don’t trust nurses to dispense medicine and even injure medical staff. And so on.
We can describe these people as “rude”, “lacking in public spirit”, “immoral”, “jerk”, etc. Different terms are used according to the degree of badness. But no matter what you call them, everyone will think, “Yes! Many people are like this, but I’m never like that!”
Open the front – camera of your phone, look at yourself, and ask yourself sincerely, “Am I a jerk?”
Don’t answer in a hurry.
There are some personality traits that cannot be “self – claimed”, such as “humor”. You may often meet people who say they have a good sense of humor and call themselves “funny people”, but after chatting for a while, you’ll find they’re actually quite boring. So, an evaluation like “humor” can only be given by others.
However, “being a jerk” is the opposite. One cannot say they are “not a jerk” because real jerks often don’t think they are jerks and even have a high moral self – evaluation.
Psychology researcher Simine Vazire believes that when a personality trait meets the following two conditions, we tend to have a good self – awareness of this trait:
- Evaluatively neutral: Having this trait is neither particularly good nor particularly bad.
- Straightforwardly observable: It can be manifested through overt behaviors.
For example, people can more accurately know whether they are “talkative”. Here, “talkative” is a neutral term, referring to the density of speech. Whether a person is talkative, cheerful, or quiet, introverted, it’s all acceptable. On the other hand, how much a person talks can be clearly observed by everyone.
Therefore, for the trait of “talkative”, the correlation between a person’s self – evaluation, others’ evaluation, and objective measurement is often high. In other words, the way you see yourself is consistent with the way others see you.
But a trait like “creative” doesn’t meet the above two conditions. Creativity is not easy to be directly observed. (For example, if there is a funny sentence, how do you know if it’s written by a cultural storyteller or plagiarized?) And who doesn’t want to be considered “creative”? So, within Vazire’s theoretical framework, the correlation between people’s self – evaluation, others’ evaluation, and (psychologists’ attempted) objective measurement of “creativity” is poor.
So, ask yourself again, “Am I a rude jerk?”
You’ll find that when facing the term “rude” with a high negative evaluation burden, everyone will rush to one answer: Of course not! The self – evaluation of “jerk” and others’ evaluation are likely to have zero correlation.
How to define a “jerk”?
Currently, there is no official scientific definition that can cover all the jerk behaviors applied in life in various forms. Its scope is too wide, from people who cut in line, treat public places as their own homes, to uncooperative “bitches” in the office, teachers who abuse students at will, and people who sexually assault children.
At present, the personality type closest to “jerk” recognized in the psychological community is the “dark triad” composed of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.
The jerks we encounter often have some characteristics of the dark triad, but they are not exactly the same.
- Narcissism: Narcissistic people think they are more important than anyone around them. Jerks usually express or secretly think so, but they don’t always want to be the center of the universe in every situation. Question: How does a narcissist change a light bulb? Answer: Just put the bulb in place, no need to screw it, because the whole world will revolve around him.
- Machiavellianism: People with Machiavellianism have a high desire to manipulate. They like to use others and regard everyone as a tool, usually also called “Machiavellianism”. But the difference is that Machiavellian people clearly know that they are deliberately using others, while jerks are scheming and at the same time ignore their self – serving tendencies.
- Psychopathy: That is, what people usually call “psychopath”, they pursue danger and excitement, are cold – blooded, paranoid, and have no sense of guilt for doing bad things. This is the most terrifying part. Psychopathic people don’t feel fear strongly, so they don’t feel guilty. (It’s not that I’m crazy, I really don’t think there are any serious consequences…) In contrast, although jerks also do bad things, they still calculate risks.
Does the dark triad sound like a “domineering president”, an evil and charming villain?
Characteristics of jerks
By summarizing the commonalities of the dark triad and removing the parts that are inconsistent with the “jerk” we want to define, we can get the following characteristics of jerks:
- Fail to see others: Jerks usually don’t care about others. They ignore others’ advantages and values, disregard others’ opinions and ideas, look down on others’ beliefs and convictions, have an infinite sense of superiority, and think that “others’ inferiority” is what they deserve. The inner monologue of a jerk: Those with a lower social status than me don’t have my talent, so they deserve to do these rough jobs.
- Dim others’ humanity: Ordinary people see the world with their eyes, while jerks see the world through “rolling their eyes”. By rolling their eyes, they deny others’ humanity. In their eyes, everyone except themselves is “non – human”. Waiters in a restaurant also have their own life stories, unique personalities, beliefs, and goals. However, jerks don’t care about these. In their eyes, waiters are just a food – serving machine and a trash can for them to vent their anger.
- The opposite of a jerk: Sweetheart: Sweethearts habitually care about others’ needs and interests, pay attention to others’ thoughts and choices. When there is a conflict, they always look for reasons within themselves. In the eyes of Sweethearts, everyone is a unique and vibrant individual, not a cold tool.
No one is purely a jerk or a good person. Everyone is constantly changing on a spectrum. Decades of psychological research on personality have proven that the larger and broader the personality trait, the greater the range of people’s changes. Everyone will choose, according to time, occasion, and the object, whether to act more like a jerk or a Sweetheart.
Do jerks never think they are jerks?
No, they don’t. Although when a person feels guilty about their jerk behavior, they are less of a jerk at that moment. But the problem is that usually, it’s the sweethearts who worry whether their behavior has hurt others. On the contrary, real jerks never know what it means to apologize with a blush. Just like those who politely say, “I’m sorry, sorry to trouble you. Thank you so much!” actually don’t cause much trouble. People who always cause trouble never think they are troublesome.
In addition, refusal to listen is a unique trait of jerks that other bad moral attributes don’t have. For example, a greedy and dishonest person knows they are greedy and dishonest and won’t reject all criticism. But jerks have no self – awareness and can close their ears and refuse to listen to any opinions. So –
how do we know if we are a jerk?
I recalled my actions and thought, “I’m definitely not a jerk.” But memories can be deceiving. People often only remember when they were kind and helpful, not when their actions hurt others. Considering the above factors, self – awareness seems impossible. Then, instead of focusing on ourselves, turn our eyes to others.
If we think that the people around us are just tools to be used, fools, worthless, tasteless, with ridiculous dreams, can be labeled and defined at a glance, conceited, or just party – loving brats… Or do we think they are all jerks? If the world in your eyes is like this, and such people always surround you, then you should think about whether the jerks are them or us.
We all have moments of being “rude”, but most people don’t stay in this state all the time. They don’t always see the world through the “rolling eyes” of a jerk, just “occasionally”. And people are very good at finding excuses for their “rudeness” and “immorality”. For example, “I curse, cut in line, spit on the ground, but I know I’m a good girl. It’s just that the waiter served the food too slowly, I’m in a hurry, and I really can’t swallow it when I can’t find a tissue.” But when we look at others, we often ignore the situational factors and completely attribute it to the individual. “He curses, cuts in line, spits on the ground, that’s because he’s rude!” This is called the “fundamental attribution error”, also known as “I’m a jerk and I’m right, you’re a jerk and you’re just a jerk!”
Finally, let’s calm down.
