I. What is the Aronson Effect?
In the vast ocean of psychology, the Aronson Effect is like a unique pearl, revealing the subtle yet crucial laws in interpersonal relationships. The Aronson Effect refers to the fact that people like those who show an increasing amount of love, rewards, and praise towards them the most, and dislike those who seem to show a decreasing amount of these the most.
The famous American psychologist Elliot Aronson once conducted a highly inspiring experiment. He carefully selected 80 participants and divided them into four groups on average. During the experiment, participants in different groups received different types of evaluations. The first group was given high praise from beginning to end, as if bathed in warm sunshine; the second group, on the contrary, was belittled throughout the process, as if in the cold winter; the third group first experienced the “cold wind” of belittlement and then welcomed the “warm sun” of praise; the fourth group had the opposite experience to the third group, being surrounded by praise first and then falling into the “shadow” of belittlement.
When the experiment ended and participants were asked to express their degree of liking for the evaluators, the results were thought – provoking. The vast majority of people showed the strongest favorability towards the evaluators in the third group who first belittled and then praised, while they were most 反感 towards the evaluators in the fourth group who first praised and then belittled. This result vividly illustrates the Aronson Effect, clearly indicating that people instinctively desire increasing positive feedback deep in their hearts, while they find it difficult to accept gradually decreasing positive evaluations.
This effect does not occur out of thin air. It has profound psychological roots. From a psychological perspective, people often have an inherent concern and pursuit for their own value. When the praise and affirmation from others keep increasing, we feel that our value is being continuously discovered and enhanced, thus generating a sense of pleasure and satisfaction, and naturally developing a favorable impression of those who give positive feedback. Conversely, when the praise gradually decreases, we unconsciously think that our value has not been continuously recognized, thus generating a sense of loss and frustration, and our attitude towards the evaluator will turn into dislike.
In real life, the shadow of the Aronson Effect can be seen everywhere. For example, in the workplace, Xiao Wang, a newly – recruited employee, initially had an average work performance, and the leader occasionally gave some small affirmations and encouragements. As time went by, Xiao Wang worked harder and achieved many remarkable results, and the leader’s praise and rewards for him gradually increased. Xiao Wang felt that his efforts were fully recognized, and his work enthusiasm became unprecedentedly high. He was also full of gratitude and trust towards the leader. Another example is in family relationships. The way parents educate their children is also affected by the Aronson Effect. Xiaohui, a child, originally had an average academic performance. Instead of blindly criticizing and blaming, his parents gave sincere praise and encouragement whenever he made even the slightest progress. Gradually, Xiaohui’s enthusiasm for learning was ignited, his grades kept improving, and the parent – child relationship became more harmonious.
These examples in life fully prove the widespread existence and powerful influence of the Aronson Effect. It always reminds us that when getting along with others, we should skillfully use this effect to express our recognition and praise for others in a positive and appropriate way, making our relationships more harmonious and beautiful.
II. The Manifestation of the Aronson Effect in Relationships
(1) High Expectations and Enthusiasm at the Beginning of Acquaintance
In the initial stage of a relationship, it seems that the whole world is covered with a sweet filter. Both parties are always generous in giving each other a lot of praise and attention. Every look and every word is full of deep love. Just like Xiao Li and Xiao Zhang, when they first met, Xiao Li thought that Xiao Zhang’s smile was like the warm sun in spring, which could dispel all the haze in his heart. So he sincerely complimented Xiao Zhang’s smile every day, making Xiao Zhang feel her unique charm. Xiao Zhang was also deeply impressed by Xiao Li’s talent and often praised him for his quick thinking and outstanding ability. At this stage, the expectations of both parties kept rising, and they both hoped to get more recognition and love from the other party. Their relationship heated up rapidly, as if they were in a dreamy fairy – tale world.
(2) The Fading of Enthusiasm in the Process of Getting Along
However, as the wheels of time turn slowly, the trivialities of life gradually erode this passionate relationship. People often unconsciously reduce the praise, care, and support for their partners. The “I love you” that was said every day becomes rarer; the carefully prepared surprises are gradually forgotten in the corner of time. After being together for a while, Xiao Li became busy with work and ignored Xiao Zhang’s feelings. He no longer complimented her as frequently as before. When Xiao Zhang carefully prepared a dinner, Xiao Li might just take a few bites in a hurry, without the gratitude and praise of the past. Xiao Zhang also, due to the pressure of life, cared less about Xiao Li. This reduction in rewards is like a silent drizzle, slowly extinguishing the flame of love in their hearts, and their attitudes towards each other gradually become negative.
(3) Analysis of Negative Cases
The relationship experience of my friend Xiao Wang and his ex – girlfriend Xiao Zhao is a typical example of a relationship that broke up due to the Aronson Effect. In the early stage of their relationship, Xiao Wang took great care of Xiao Zhao. For every Moments post of Xiao Zhao, Xiao Wang would like and comment on it immediately, sparing no praise. Every festival they spent together, Xiao Wang would carefully prepare gifts, bringing Xiao Zhao full of surprises. Xiao Zhao was also gentle and considerate to Xiao Wang, and their relationship was very affectionate, which made others envious.
As time went by, Xiao Wang became busier and busier at work. He began to think that the care and praise for Xiao Zhao were taken for granted and no longer needed to be done deliberately. Gradually, when Xiao Zhao shared her life on Moments, Xiao Wang no longer responded as actively as before; during festivals, Xiao Wang just gave a casual gift to perfunctorily deal with it. Xiao Zhao’s enthusiasm gradually faded in Xiao Wang’s indifference. She began to feel that Xiao Wang no longer loved her as before and lost confidence in this relationship.
Finally, during a fierce quarrel, Xiao Zhao cried and told her grievances: “You loved me so much before and could always see my goodness. But now? You don’t care about anything I do. Do you not love me anymore?” Only then did Xiao Wang realize his problem, but it was too late. Xiao Zhao had made up her mind, and eventually, they went their separate ways. This once – beautiful relationship ended in tragedy due to the influence of the Aronson Effect, which is really regrettable.
III. The Harms Brought by the Aronson Effect
(1) Trust Crisis
When the positive feedback between partners gradually decreases and the negative attitude keeps increasing, the cornerstone of trust will be severely impacted. One party may deeply doubt the authenticity of the other party’s feelings because of the huge change in their attitude. Just like my friend Xiao Li, his girlfriend Xiao Zhang was initially very caring towards him. However, as time passed, Xiao Zhang cared less and less about Xiao Li, and even showed indifference when Xiao Li encountered difficulties. This made Xiao Li start to doubt whether Xiao Zhang still loved him as before, and the trust between them gradually collapsed. Once this trust crisis occurs, it is like building a high wall between the two, blocking the further development of the relationship and making their relationship fall into a tense and fragile state.
(2) Communication Barriers
The negative emotions triggered by the Aronson Effect are like a thick layer of dark clouds, covering the relationship between partners, making communication extremely difficult. Both parties may choose to communicate less because they are afraid of being hurt again or worried about causing more conflicts. Another friend of mine, Xiao Wang and his partner Xiao Zhao, because Xiao Zhao always criticized and blamed Xiao Wang’s behavior and rarely gave affirmation and encouragement, Xiao Wang became less and less willing to communicate with Xiao Zhao. Once, Xiao Wang encountered setbacks at work and was in a very low mood. He originally wanted to talk to Xiao Zhao, but thinking about Xiao Zhao’s usual attitude, he finally chose to remain silent. Xiao Zhao also felt that Xiao Wang was hiding something from her because of his silence, and the misunderstandings between them became deeper and deeper. These communication barriers prevent each other from understanding each other’s thoughts and feelings in a timely manner, easily leading to more misunderstandings and conflicts, further damaging the harmony of the relationship.
(3) Relationship Breakdown
Being under the shadow of the Aronson Effect for a long time, the relationship is like a flower constantly battered by wind and rain, gradually losing its vitality and withering. When the trust crisis and communication barriers intensify, both parties only feel pain and disappointment in the relationship, and the once – sweet and beautiful memories have long disappeared without a trace. Just like Xiao Wang and Xiao Zhao mentioned earlier, the contradictions between them became more and more, and their relationship became weaker and weaker. Finally, after a fierce quarrel, the two chose to break up, ending this relationship that was once full of expectations. Such examples are not uncommon in real life. The Aronson Effect is like a hidden killer, quietly destroying many beautiful relationships.
IV. Ways to Avoid the Aronson Effect
(1) Maintain Stable Emotional Expression
In the long river of a relationship, consistently giving your partner care, praise, and support is like injecting a continuous stream of clear spring water into this river, keeping the river of love from drying up. No matter how busy life is or how great the work pressure is, you should not neglect the emotional investment in your partner. Give the other party a warm hug when you wake up in the morning and softly say “I love you”; when you come home from work in the evening, sincerely ask about the other party’s day and listen carefully to their joys and sorrows; when your partner achieves something, give timely praise and encouragement; when they encounter setbacks, give firm support and comfort. Just like my friend Xiao Li and his wife, for many years after their marriage, Xiao Li would send a warm text message to his wife every morning before going to work, expressing his care and love. Even during the busiest times at work, he never stopped. This consistent emotional expression has made their relationship as affectionate as ever, which is really enviable.
(2) Add Surprises and Romance in a Timely Manner
Occasionally creating surprises for your partner is like throwing a beautiful stone into a calm lake, which can stir up layers of gorgeous ripples and add endless freshness to the relationship. On special days, carefully prepare a gift that your partner has long desired or plan a romantic date. For example, on the wedding anniversary, hold an intimate party for the other party, decorated with photos and flowers full of memories; or on an ordinary weekend, take the other party to a place they have never been to and explore the unknown beauty together. Another friend of mine, Xiao Wang, on his wife’s birthday, secretly invited her relatives and friends and held a surprise party for her. When his wife saw all this, she was moved to tears, and their relationship became even deeper. In addition to these special moments, small surprises in daily life can also heat up the relationship. For example, prepare a sumptuous dinner for him before he comes home from work; or make a cup of hot tea for him when he is tired and give him a massage to relax. These seemingly insignificant actions can make the other party feel deep love and care, keeping the relationship full of vitality all the time.
(3) Effective Communication and Listening
Encouraging both parties to communicate frankly and listen to each other’s needs and feelings is the key link to maintaining a relationship. When communicating, be sincere and patient, and do not blame or complain. When there is a disagreement with your partner, calm down first, listen to the other party’s thoughts and views, and try to understand their feelings from their perspective. Then, express your own thoughts and needs and seek a solution that both parties can accept. For example, my friend Xiao Zhang and his partner had a conflict over the issue of housework distribution. Instead of blaming the other party blindly, Xiao Zhang calmly sat down to communicate with his partner. He listened to his partner’s thoughts and learned that his partner was really too busy at work to have much energy for housework. At the same time, he also expressed his own fatigue and needs. Finally, they jointly discussed a reasonable housework distribution plan, and the conflict was successfully resolved. In addition to communicating when problems occur, usually also share your life, thoughts, and feelings with your partner more, so that the other party can know you better. Listen carefully to your partner’s sharing and give positive responses, making them feel your attention and care. Through effective communication and listening, problems in the relationship can be solved in a timely manner, mutual understanding and trust can be enhanced, and the relationship can be made more stable.
V. Summary
The Aronson Effect is like a mirror, clearly reflecting the problems that we are likely to ignore in relationships. It reminds us that relationships are not once – and – for – all things. They need to be managed and maintained with heart and wisdom. In the journey of love, no matter which stage we are in, we should always be vigilant against the negative impact of the Aronson Effect, always maintain stable emotional expression, add surprises and romance to the relationship in a timely manner, and actively carry out effective communication and listening. Only in this way can we keep the flame of love burning brightly forever and make the flower of love bloom more gorgeously. Cherish the people around you, cherish every hard – won relationship, water it with your heart, and care for it with love, so that love can endure through the long river of time and become the most beautiful scenery in our lives.
